Okay, so this is pretty personal. Maybe more personal than I intended to get with my blog, but here it goes. I am not yet pregnant. This is not a new condition, I’ve never been pregnant. When people meet me they almost always ask how many kids I have. I don’t. It’s always awkward and I wonder why people assume that you have kids, but whatever. It’s not that I don’t want kids, I just haven’t been able to get pregnant. Without giving medical details, I’ve known for about 15 years that it would be hard. Believe me, I’ve tried. Not as far as some of my friends, but I’ve tried.
Now that I am in my late-late 30’s, I now realize that there is no time like the present. But it still may not happen despite the upcoming regime I am about to embark on. And while dealing with infertility is no laughing matter, I like to make light of my situation whenever possible. So here’s a somewhat but not entirely serious list of what not to say when you have a friend who is struggling to get pregnant. And don’t worry if you are one who has said any of the below listed to me, I still love you.
1. Don’t tell us about your neighbor’s best friend’s cousin’s college roommate who just got pregnant for the first time at 46. I’m pretty sure my eggs won’t make it to 46, but good for her.
2. Don’t tell us to take a vacation and relax. It makes those of us who have travelled the globe to get pregnant want to strangle you.
3. Don’t tell us to start filling out adoption papers and then we’ll turn up pregnant. I’m all for adoption and in fact I’ll probably adopt whether I get pregnant or not. But filling out papers only works for a very small number of women, and it’s almost always at the sperm bank.
4. Don’t offer maternity clothes to us. Nothing makes a woman second guess getting pregnant than looking at the big stretch panel in maternity jeans. You’ll only confuse us. And I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like the power of suggestion.
I am beginning another chapter in the quest to get pregnant, and this is probably the first time in a long time that I’ve been honest outside myself that I really do want to have a child. But don’t worry, you’ll hear no gory medical procedure details here. I promise to let you all know if I am pregnant, and in fact me, my husband, my father, my sister, my in-laws, friends and neighbors will shout so loud you’ll probably hear it before I get the chance to tell you myself.
And just in case, don’t be afraid to tell us “fertility challenged” that you or a mutual friend are pregnant. It makes everyone feel awkward and denies us the opportunity to be gracious. In fact, tell us first. I’m pretty sure we’ll be happier for her than anyone else.