Forgive the slightly cheesy rhyming, but which one are you? Chances are, you’re both. Everyone wants to see our friends, families and colleagues succeed, but what happens when they do really well? What happens when they achieve something that makes us secretly say, “well, I don’t know if they’re all that!” We all sometimes have a hard time congratulating someone who has achieved something that we desire and have yet to achieve.
I’ve had a recent experience with this. A colleague and friend of mine has recently taken charge of her health and her body. She has been transformed. There is a light inside her, her skin is a glow and she carries herself like a woman in charge, capable of anything. I love it, and I have been in awe of her over the last several months. I aspire, but have been in a bit of a quagmire of unfinished business of all kinds and I am not putting myself on the to-do list. This is going to change, because when that twinge of “I am happy for you but wish I was achieving the same for myself,” came up, I knew it was time to take stock.
Being envious of what someone else has or is doing can be a great flashlight into your unrecognized desires. That twinge, whether you call it a green-eyed monster, jealousy, or envy, let it be your teacher. She didn’t take a magic pill, have surgery or have access to anything I don’t have access to, she just did it. There was no reason that I couldn’t follow in her path. So I have set some new goals for myself and will be starting to add myself on the to-do list daily.
Not to break my arm patting myself on the back, but that’s a constructive way to approach the twinge of jealousy. What about the haters? I think this is a pretty common situation in the art world. How come so and so got in that show? How did he get in that gallery? She get’s WHAT for a 12×12 inch painting? You know, he doesn’t even have an MFA? And so on. This is a harder situation, and why I believe some artists don’t have very many artist friends. It’s tough to be friends with someone who you know is stabbing you as they pat you on the back. You know the type, the compliment followed up with a jab, the “Good for you! I got into that show a couple of years ago, but you know I’ve really outgrown juried shows. And besides, they never get any decent jurors anymore, but I’m sure it’s a good show for you!”
I’ve had this experience more times than I care to recount, but in brief I’ve learned to recognize them quicker and to insulate myself from the comments. Nothing wilts the bloom of success like a hater disguised as a congratulater. So what’s the moral of the story? Success is not a limited natural resource. It should feel good for everyone to be genuinely happy for a colleague’s good fortune but if you feel that twinge, pay attention. Maybe that feeling will illuminate a little nugget of life that you want for yourself.
AMBER GEORGE 
May 17, 2010 at 2:52 pm
I think what you are saying is very important. Whenever we feel that twinge or ping about a comment made from another artist, we hope it’s made with full disclosure. However, like any comments, laced with many layers……….does it really matter what anyone else thinks about whether we got into this show, sold that piece for so much, or recieved an award or any other societal validation?
Bottom line is this: are we happy with what we are doing everyday? Do we take time to be grateful for our lives, and what we make of our lives as people and artists?
I think it’s natural for others to be envious of our success, that’s part of the human condition. Does it stop us from feeling good about ourselves? If so, then it’s time to take stock, and not allow other directed feeling and thinking control us.
I say enjoy what you do, who you are, and feel confident in your accomplishments.
May 17, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Well said Iris!
May 18, 2010 at 2:43 pm
OOOOO yes. The congratulations/put down. I am sure we are all familiar with this one. I think that the best way to deal with this is to understand just how insecure that person really is. if one is secure in one’s talent and produced work, one does not have to tear anyone down. in fact real pleasure comes by joining in someone’s success with good humor. Upon being picked up by a good gallery, I once had a fellow artist come up to me and say “Congratulations. I am just so jealous!” Then she hugged me wishing me all the best with my up coming show and offering her help. I love her work and she does just fine in her own galleries. Another artist once said at a group show ” Good to see you here. There is room for all of us” These folks are both mature successful artists in their work and in their lives.
May 18, 2010 at 2:47 pm
Hi Katherine! Thanks for confirming there are more of us out there that have colleagues that honestly congratulate us. The kind of people that you describe are the kind of people I try to surround myself with as well. In fact, I believe that the more of us that succeed, the more we legitimize and convince others that you can make a good living in the arts. Each success spreads that message and opens additional doors for all of us. Cheers!
May 18, 2010 at 6:48 pm
You wise, wise woman. You are so eloquent and insightful, really. We have all experienced this, I presume, but you shine light on it so marvelously. I can honestly say that most of the haters are insecure and most likely not happy people. I try like you, to take others’ accomplishments as inspiration and motivation to improve myself.
So when I see you all hot and fit from pilates, and I say “you bitch!” I mean it in the nicest most congratulatory way. 😉
May 19, 2010 at 9:33 am
Thanks mighty Maite!
May 19, 2010 at 7:48 am
Amber, thank you for starting a thoughtful discussion on a topic well worth our thought. As artists, we all strive to create our most powerful work and then, offer it to the world.
When we take the time to genuinely revel (or as close as we can get to this!) in another’s success, I believe we are reinforcing our own efforts as well. We are saying in effect: “Bringing art into the world is important and we need artists to reflect the world back to us. With these many visions, we find our way.”
May 19, 2010 at 9:34 am
I totally agree Hannah!